Memories

When queried with the phrase, "Do you remember when...," my consistent response is a regretful, "No, I'm sorry."

The memories I have managed to retain are overwhelmingly unfavorable, prompting my reluctance to revisit them. I often ponder if my mind possesses the capacity to preserve moments of happiness.

The reasons behind this phenomenon have been attributed to various factors, with some speculating it to be a manifestation of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), others attributing it to a significant car accident in the 1990s, and yet others suggesting a combination of both. Despite consulting neurologists, precise answers have remained elusive, leading only to the documentation and cataloging of memories, a process I found less than beneficial, ultimately abandoning it.

One might ask why I haven't explored avenues like hypnosis or therapy. The succinct response lies in the constraints of time and financial resources.

Consider the notion of embarking on the journey of marriage or experiencing childbirth, events that have occurred in my life three times with one heartbreaking loss, and yet possessing no tangible recollections of these pivotal moments. It's a sobering thought.

At times, I am left to contemplate how I manage to function with such an impaired memory. Fortunately, my professional life remains largely unaffected due to the repetitive nature of my work, a pattern that may also account for the vividness of my negative memories. Nevertheless, instances occur where I momentarily forget my destination while driving or abruptly cease speaking during conversations as I struggle to recall the topic at hand.

In matters of faith, my memory lapse extends to my religious beliefs, rendering me reticent to engage in discussions on the subject due to my inability to recollect verses that support my convictions.

As the years pass, I am increasingly apprehensive about the implications of my deteriorating memory. My recollections commence with my involvement in a paper route during my elementary school years, circa 1989-1990, as outlined in my initial post. This marks the conclusion of today's entry. I must forewarn readers that my subsequent post will delve further into the somber details of my experiences.